Imagine believing a horrific act would save the world. That’s the terrifying reality Kaylee Muthart faced during a meth-induced psychotic episode. Her story of self-mutilation, survival, and an incredible journey to advocate for mental health and addiction recovery is truly remarkable. What would you do to overcome such a profound trauma?
The harrowing tale of Kaylee Muthart, a young woman who, in the grips of a meth-induced psychotic episode, believed the unimaginable act of self-mutilation would save the world and bring her closer to a divine connection, serves as a stark reminder of the devastating consequences of substance abuse and the critical need for mental health awareness. Her journey from the brink of irreversible despair to a path of advocacy offers profound insights into the human spirit’s capacity for recovery and transformation.
Despite addiction running in her family, Kaylee had initially maintained a distance from hard substances. However, a significant turning point occurred when she left school at the age of 17, driven by aspirations to save money for university. It was during this period that she unfortunately encountered the insidious grip of methamphetamine, which would ultimately lead to a profound and life-altering psychotic break.
The drug-fuelled hallucination took hold with terrifying intensity, convincing Kaylee of a bizarre and urgent necessity: she believed she had to meet someone at a local church. This distorted perception of reality pushed her towards a sequence of events that would forever change her life, blurring the lines between spiritual conviction and severe mental health crisis.
In a deeply disturbing account, Kaylee later described the horrific act itself: “I pushed my thumb, pointer, and middle finger into each eye. I gripped each eyeball, twisted, and pulled until each eye popped out of the socket – it felt like a massive struggle, the hardest thing I ever had to do.” This chilling description underscores the extreme nature of her psychotic episode and the profound physical and psychological trauma she endured.
Fortunately, Kaylee’s screams of “I want to see the light” attracted the attention of a pastor, who rushed to her aid. She firmly believes that had the pastor not intervened at that critical moment, she would have continued her desperate self-harm, potentially causing even more severe and irreversible damage. Following this intervention, Kaylee was swiftly transported to a hospital, where it took the concerted effort of seven medical professionals to restrain her while doctors worked to remove the remaining eye fragments, a crucial step to prevent infection and save her optic nerves.
Life after losing her sight presented a new set of challenges, yet Kaylee’s resilience shone through. She often speaks of experiencing vivid “visual hallucinations,” which she interprets as a divine grace preventing her from dwelling in complete darkness. Her powerful perspective that “even when you are blind it is not dark” and her ability to “visualise like silhouettes of what I think is there” offer a unique glimpse into her adaptive coping mechanisms and strong faith.
Looking towards the future, Kaylee harbors significant aspirations, particularly in the realm of social good. She is actively planning to establish a non-profit organization dedicated to assisting “all of God’s creations,” with a specific focus on supporting individuals facing challenges related to addiction recovery and mental health awareness. This initiative demonstrates her profound commitment to transforming her personal tragedy into a source of hope and support for others.
Despite the immense obstacles she has faced, including the loss of her job, Kaylee’s unwavering positive outlook has remained a constant beacon. She consistently asserts that, given the choice, she would unequivocally choose blindness over succumbing to the relentless grip of substance addiction. Her story serves as a testament to profound personal transformation and the enduring power of the human spirit to overcome adversity, offering a compelling narrative on mental health and addiction recovery.
